“My heavens,” Donut said, crinkling her face like I’d tried to feed her vegetables. “This is going to be unpleasant.”[1]
The Ball of Swine is a First Floor Borough Boss created as a political parody of the orcish Syndicate race, the Tusklings. It was defeated by Carl, Donut, Brandon Andrews, Chris Andrews, Imani, and Yolanda Martinez with no assist from Agatha.[2]
AI Description
The
Ball
of
Swine
Level 15 Borough Boss!Also known as the Porkchop Express, the Ball of Swine is one of the rarest, most deadly battle formations of the Tuskling. Encompassing at least 30 Tuskling knights and their lady loves, a Ball formation requires a specific set of circumstances to create. Combine a gathering of Tuskling aristocracy, add an alcohol-fueled, sexually-charged orgy of war lust, and sometimes, just sometimes, the wild, ancient battle magic that permeates their war-torn world casts the spell, forming the ball. The Tusklings, the ruling class of the Orcish Supremacy, shape into an inseparable sphere that rolls onto the countryside. The ball of pork won’t stop its night of terror until it has crushed the poor, the weak, and the lesser citizens under its unstoppable weight.
Plucked directly from a Tuskling High Caucus moments after it formed, this particular ball has been transferred here to this dungeon for your entertainment, ladies and gentlemen. The magic of the ball won’t allow them to stop until every last drop of Crawler blood is squeezed right out of their human bodies![3]
Description
The Ball of Swine appears to be a massive almost-15' (4.5m) diameter ball of rippling pink flesh embedded with eyes, tusks, and scrabs of tuxedos and red sequin dresses. It reeks of sewage and rotten meat, and grunts and squeals in "a high-pitched, angry pig noise" as it rolls shockingly quickly around its boss chamber. It never loses momentum.[2]
As a First Floor Borough Boss, its boss chamber contains a stairwell. The chamber is shaped like a spiral maze, with 15' (4.5m) high rounded tunnels spiraling around a rounded courtyard.[2][4] The outside of the maze is marked by rounded portcullises with cross-beam gates (magically protected to prevent enterprising crawlers from lobbing bombs or firing arrows inside; the portcullises glow blow and feel claylike when touched), and three main entrances: vast, rounded doorways with raised gates, connected to the rest of the Dungeon by a short bridge and seeming to lead to the courtyard in the maze's center.[5][4] The Ball of Swine does not appear to enter the courtyard before crawlers enter the maze, but once the gate closes, it's impossible to see in from outside the maze.[4]
Gallery
Story
The Ball of Swine guards a stairwell on the First Floor, somewhere under Wenatchee, WA. About half of the residents of Meadow Lark are parked in the corridor outside its boss chambers, close to where they entered the Dungeon. Shortly after entering the First Floor, a number of the party's able-bodied staff and emergency responders ventured into the Ball of Swine's boss chambers and were wiped out. Yolanda Martinez attempted to fire arrows through the portcullises, but the arrows bounced off.[4]
Although Mordecai cautions that Borough Bosses are meant to be taken on by large parties of crawlers and encourages Carl to find a different stairwell, the Royal Court of Princess Donut partners up with Meadow Lark to form a plan of attack.[6] Carl shares his assortment of loot and looted goblin tools, and he, Brandon Andrews, and Chris Andrews use the Enchanted Shuriken of Bloodlust to build a series of spike strips, edged spears, and "the Speedbump": a modular 4 ft tall fortress made of tables, weight equipment from the Juicer's chambers, and studded with the shuriken.[2]
With 6 Hours 30 Minutes to level collapse, the two parties enter the boss chamber and Agatha tags along at the last moment.[2] After the metal gates slide shut, a frenetic EDM beat plays as the lights flicker, go dark, and then turn purple. Neon lights appear on the ceiling and moving lasers flash in beat with the music. The System AI's announcement is louder than ever:
B-B-B-Boss Battle!
You have discovered the lair of a Borough Boss!
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time for the main event! Are you ready? Can you feel it coming? I SAID ARE YOU READY?
I want you to put your hands together.
Aaaand here. We. Gooooo![7]
The crawlers' mugshots appear one by one, separated by party, and the giant "Versus" appears in metallic silver font before bursting into flames; Carl feels a blast of heat. At the same time, the courtyard walls retract into the ground, leaving the crawlers exposed in a wide, 15' tall round tunnel as the Ball of Swine barrels toward them. Carl drops the first spike strip, dealing a single point of damage; meanwhile, a new wall rises out of the ground, and the Ball picks up speed.[2]
The crawlers hastily assemble the Speedbump in a square 15' x 15' room that seems to serve as a railway switch. Carl takes Agatha's cart into his inventory (earning the Bully and a Thief Achievement), and the Speedbump is successfully deployed with only seconds to spare (earning the Battlefield Construction Achievement).[2][8] The Ball of Swine rolls on top of it, getting wedged between the ceiling and the redoubt, and the crawlers stab at it through the redoubt until it explodes with a Pop! into a bunch of disoriented level 4-8 tusklings.[2]
At the same time, the walls drop. The dome-shaped arena is purple-hued and as large as an entire quadrant, and colorful lasers lighting the area. At its center, a bright light shines down on the stairwell, which is surrounded by a red forcefield. After all of the tusklings are killed, the forcefield drops away, the lights return to normal, and the world freezes as the Winner! notification appears.[2] Carl receives the This Little Piggy Went to Market! Achievement for killing more than five tusklings with his feet.[8]
In the aftermath, all participants receive the standard Silver Boss Box and the Borough Boss achievement, as well as additional achievements for killing a borough boss, killing a borough boss in under ten minutes, killing a borough boss with more than ten minions, and killing the borough boss as part of a mixed group.[8] Carl loots blood-soaked tuxedoes, unenchanted jewelry including a valuable ruby necklace, a Pig Harness, the Shuriken and remaining bits of the Speedbump (which the System AI categorizes as "Worthless Garbage"). Donut loots an enormous strap-on dildo.[9]
References
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 21) (p. 169). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 2.8 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 26)
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 26) (pp. 207-208). Kindle Edition.
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 22)
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 21)
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 25)
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 26) (p. 206). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
- ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 30)
- ↑ Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 27)
| ALL CHARACTERS | |
|---|---|
| Royal Court | Carl • Donut • Mordecai • Mongo • Samantha • Sir Rendlegore |
| Aliens | All Aliens • Dungeon Admins • Former Crawlers • God Sponsors |
| Crawlers | Earth Crawlers • Former Crawlers • Former Cookbook Authors |
| Earth | All Earth Characters • Earth Crawlers |
| NPCs | All NPCs • Bosses • Deities • Demons • Desperado Club Employees • Pets |