Coolie

This article contains unmarked spoilers for Book 4.

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Thank god. Thank fucking god. Actually, no. Not god. Coolie. Thank you, Coolie for the information.

Coolie is a former Crawler and author of the Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (19th Edition).

Description

Coolie was a popular crawler on Dungeon Crawler World: Qurux, and appeared on multiple Syndicate programs during their time in the Dungeon.^[1]

In the Cookbook, Coolie wrote extensively about gods and god summonings, particularly involuntary summonings. They wrote that god-summoning equipment was common throughout the Dungeon, and since gods were typically piloted by Syndicate celebrities, summoning them was an easy way for the production company to earn more sponsorship money.^[2] Later, Coolie wrote about the security and forcefields in production chambers.^[1]

Coolie ultimately died while attempting to assassinate two Dungeon Admins. Their last view was of their home planet.^[1]

Cookbook Entries

On Gods

There are three types of deity summonings. Avoid all three. Only idiots deal with deities. Some of them are genuine NPCs, but the big ones like Apito and Eris and so forth are always sponsored by some rich prick who basically paid extra to play a game called the Celestial Ascendency. The game is contained on the 12th floor, but the individual gods sometimes get called away. That game is different than the faction wars game and has its own followers and storyline. I don’t really understand, but I do know this. The gods are invulnerable except on the 12th and above floors. They are strong. They kill everything. And there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.

Anyway, the three types of summonings. All three require a physical vessel. Usually a mob. There are celestial boons, which is when a worshipper prays to a god, and he comes to fight for his worshipper. There are indentured summonings, where a powerful mage summons the deity to fight for him for a short time. This is against the god’s will, and they are usually pissed when it happens. And finally there are involuntary summonings. That’s when some poor fool accidentally summons the god because of some trap or spell or just bad luck. The gods are usually pissed about this one, too, and what’s worse, they arrive untethered, which allows them to smash everything in sight.

In my short experience, all three scenarios lead to the summoner’s death. Even the first scenario. Don’t trust deities under any circumstance. Just stay the fuck away. That’s my advice.^[3]

<Response added by Forkith>

On Shows

I went on a program tonight. They transported me to a ship that floats in low orbit over the planet. The ship has an open window with no glass that is only protected by a forcefield. It is amazing. I can look down upon my planet. My beautiful, lost planet. If I am to die here, I want this to be my last view. ^[4]

Final Entries

I am going on another program tonight. I have secreted bugbear paste into my boots. I will detonate them while I am in orbit. There will be two admins on board. My Blast Shield skill should protect me from the explosion—if the skill works at all in that place. I don’t even know. But if I blow the ship, it won’t matter. Think of me, brothers. It is little, but it is all I have.^[5]

I have failed. I have blown the ship, and my skill indeed protected me, but the forcefield around the ship has prevented it from fully breaking apart. The admins only appeared to be with me. They were holos. I was fooled today, and I am ashamed, brothers. The gravity has failed, the temperature is dropping, and it is getting difficult to breathe. I do not think they can remove me while the forcefield remains.

But I see my planet, my beloved Qurux. It shines, and it warms me in this cold. I pray one day someone will avenge her, for I cannot.^[6]

<Response added by Crawler Carl, 25th Edition>

References

↑ ^1.0 ^1.1 ^1.2 Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 18)
↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Chapter 32)
↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Chapter 32) (pp. 482-483). Kindle Edition.
↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 18) (p. 269). Kindle Edition.
↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 18) (p. 276). Kindle Edition.
↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 18) (p. 279). Kindle Edition.