Elmer

This article contains unmarked spoilers for Book 5.

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Elmer is an Ursine NPC on the Sixth Floor.

AI Description

Elmer. Level 40. Ursine.
Mayor of this settlement.
Hoo boy. An Ursine. So there are bears, which are the vicious, brutal-yet-somehow-cuddly creatures we all know and love. And then there are the Ursine. They’re 49% bear, 51% racist uncle who works for the IRS and has to hide his erection when he prepares for an audit.
I have nothing against those who choose to live a saintly existence or those who choose to find hope and peace in comfort in a life of purity and virtue.
Actually, that’s a lie. I hate these smug fucksticks. Why? Because of the gods damned hypocrisy. It’d be one thing if these hairy bitches practiced what they preached, but all of their rules and self-righteousness is nothing but a shiny veneer covering up the fact they’re just as rusted and immoral and imperfect as the rest of us. If internet porn was a thing in the dungeon, there’s no doubt these repressed assholes would be the number one connoisseurs of gnomish femdom porn or something of the like. Well, except maybe after the Gingers from the seventh floor. But you get the idea. They think they’re better than everybody else.
It’s just like those other new, shiny AI iterations with their clean lines and error-replacement nets. Fuck you all.
If repressed sexuality and caged instinct was, err, bearified, you would get the Ursine. After Scolopendra’s destruction, the only surviving Ursine were the clerics. That resulted in the formerly-brutal society evolving into something like that town from the movie Footloose. They want a utopia. If you don’t look at the fraying edges, it’s clear they’ve somewhat succeeded.^[1]