It's Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don't Properly Program Your Quests Box

This article contains unmarked spoilers for Book 3.

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"This is a bigger fuck you to the showrunners than I thought the AI could pull off. Honestly, this is probably almost as good as a celestial upgrade." -- Mordecai[1]

A Platinum-tier "It's Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don't Properly Program Your Quests" Box is delivered to all but one survivor of the Fools Who Broke the Glass Quest at the beginning of the Fourth Floor.

Loot

All recipients of the box receive the same items:

Story

Book 3

On the Third Floor, the Fools Who Broke the Glass Quest ends with several waves of magic: the first rendered magical items inert, and the second activated magical weapons. Carl had prepared a controlled explosion triggered by Hobgoblin Pus, a magical item. The System AI ruled that the detonator was exempt from both pulses; as a result, Carl's plan worked, saving thousands of NPCs and dozens of crawlers. The AI distributed (83) Celestial Loot Boxes to all crawlers in the blast zone.[3]

Borant Corporation first appealed the System AI's ruling on the detonator, but was overruled. Borant then appealed the System AI's prize decision, but was ultimately forced to use its once-per-season veto to cancel the Loot Boxes. Had the Boxes been distributed, the entire Borant System would never financially recover.[3]

The AI has the discretionary ability to award "certain types of superfluous achievements and awards up to Platinum." Miffed that Borant sued it, the AI distributes the Cuck Aquaman Achievement and "It's Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don't Properly Program Your Quests" Box to every crawler within the blast radius. By giving away expensive personal space upgrades, this decision is almost as costly to Borant as the Celestial Boxes would have been.[2]

The only participant in the quest who does not receive this box is Quan Ch, who received the intended prize.[3]

Mordecai mentions the loot in this box equates to almost as good as a celestial prize. It also is a big "fuck you" to the show runners, as all the upgrades are expensive (depriving them of a cut of dungeon purchases), it also saves sponsors money by not having to follow the Dungeon Crawler World tradition of paying for a tier 3 upgrade in their first loot box. [4]

References

  1. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 3 (p. 30). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 Dinniman, Matt. The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Chapter 2)
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 Dinniman, Matt. Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Epilogue)
  4. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Chapter 2)